Unintentional Epiphanies
by kwordy
Summary: Bella realizes her feelings for Jacob. Gasp! Will she leave Edward? Not very original. Spoilers for Eclipse. One shot.  Please note that the gasp is not an actual plot element.


**Author's Note: This is one of the many scenarios I wish had taken place post-Eclipse. Don't like, don't read. Please review.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

BPOV

"Can you believe it?" Edward asked in a hushed whisper, barely suppressed excitement coloring his voice. "This time next week, you'll be my wife."

"I know," I said, only managing to force happiness into my voice with the thought that once we were married I would have him forever.

"I take it you are finally allowing yourself to feel happiness at the prospect of being with me forever?" he smirked.

"I've always wanted to be with you forever. I just don't see what marriage has to do with that. I'm eighteen," I reminded him, wincing inwardly as the joy slid from his face.

"My apologies," he said rather stiffly, "but I was under the impression that you were looking forward to this."

"I am, I am," I reassure him. "It's just..." his eyes narrowed and I sighed. "Nothing."

"You will miss your friends: Angela and Jessica. And perhaps Mike," he added with distaste. "And your family, of course. Charlie and Renée. But, as someone who has lived for over a century, I can assure you that that pain lessens as they fade from your memory."

I bit my lip. Jake really should have been in the friends list, if not in the family list. But I couldn't bring it up. Edward was my everything, Jacob was only my lost best friend. I'd miss him-nowhere near as much as I had missed Edward, obviously-but I could live without him. There was really no need for me to worry Edward with talk of my no-longer-around friend. I couldn't let him think that there was anyone else that mattered in my life; that wouldn't be fair to him.

...

No one could compare to Edward-my fiancé, my love, my life. I would certainly never mention caring about another man to him, not even Jacob. Especially Jacob. Edward knew the depth of my feelings for him and most likely would not have allowed me to see him even if he hadn't run away.

That was really a shame, of course. Jacob had been the light of my life in my own personal dark era, lighting up my misery with his own joy. I had always wished that I could repay the favor in any way _besides_ leaving Edward to be with him. But I couldn't.

I was giving up a lot for Edward, but not nearly as much as I would surely get in return. The strength, the speed, invincibility, impossible beauty, immortality, and Edward himself. I had an internal list of the reasons to join Edward as a vampire by now, not because I doubted my reasons, but because all of the Cullens wanted to check that I was sure so constantly I had to be ready to defend my soon-to-be-actions.

Of course, Jacob would hate me. But that was the price of being with Edward. I couldn't have both and I had chosen. I was proud of my decisions. I would lose the warmth of the sun I had so loved in Arizona, because I wouldn't be able to go into sunlight without sparkling again. The Earth's sun and my own personal sun would be gone for good. I would miss both. I didn't want to give either one up.

But the alternative was losing the Cullens. And we had all already seen how I handled it when that happened. I had fallen apart, I had been devastated; an empty shell of the person I had been once Edward had ripped my heart out. For my own good, of course. He had been thinking only of me and my wellbeing. Really, it was just another thing that illustrated how noble and selfless he was.

...

Even knowing that, sometimes I strangely resented him. I knew now that his motives had been of the most loving nature, but a part of me had never completely healed. He had left scars on my heart.

I had been numb and lonely, mourning for the loss of my love and my second family, most of whom had seemed not to care for me enough even to bother saying goodbye.

I had never felt more alone than then, knowing-or thinking I did-that they had never truly loved me and accepted me as one of their own. Every second without them had ached like a shot through the heart. He had come back, but it was a little too late-the damage had been done. But it hadn't been too much damage. There was nothing he could do to me, no pain he could inflict on me that would drive me to leave him.

It was strange. Back then, thinking of him had been the most painful experience I could imagine, but these days, just the mention of him was enough to enthrall me. But the misery still hurt to think about.

...

Luckily, once I went to Jacob he fixed things for me. He made me realize I wasn't worthless and he made me happy. He had been all that had, for a while. He had been my everything.

I had never been happier than when I was with him. Except when I was with Edward. But Jake's jokes and sunny smile had fixed things, fixed me. I had lost everything and he had made me realize that maybe there was more to have than what the Cullens had given me so long ago.

And this was how I repaid him. By breaking his heart. _Yeah, that really makes us even,_ I thought bitterly. Knowing that I had hurt him somehow hurt as badly as when I had been abandoned the Cullens. But only because betraying someone feels worse than being betrayed. Not because I cared about him. Okay, I did. Just not as much as Edward.

Even in my head I sounded defensive. Which was strange because I really had nothing to be defensive about. Obviously.

I frowned as the beginnings of doubt spread throughout me.

"Is something wrong, love?" Edward asked.

...

Edward had lost me once. He had been able to bear it and I had been able to bear it. But now Jacob had lost me and it was tearing up the both of us. I felt like my choice had already been made for me, it was just waiting for me to act on it. Could I do it? No; it was insane. I loved Edward.

But I wanted to do it. I couldn't _not_ do it. I loved Jacob. I couldn't live without him. I had thought that I didn't care about him enough for it to change anything, but I did. I didn't want to stay with Edward. I was hurting everyone, but most of all I was hurting myself. I had to do this.

"Edward-" I hesitated, unsure. Dared I?

...

I had loved Edward. I knew that. But now I had to choose the one I truly loved. I would do this, if not for myself, then for Jacob.

"Edward, we're over." My bluntness surprised me. "I don't love you like I thought I did. It's Jacob. I don't know how long it's been Jacob that I love, but it is."

His eyes widened in shock. "Bella, have you thought this through? I would never want some spur of the moment to ruin your happiness."

"I can be happy without you. I thought I couldn't, but I can. And I will. I'm sorry, but we're through. You're no good for me."

He flinched, recognizing the words. "Goodbye," he said crisply, exiting through my window. "One last thing," he called over his shoulder. "You might want to come down here for a minute." His voice was laced with sadness and I wondered what had happened.

Rushing outside, I saw a familiar face waiting for me- just not the one I had expected.

"Jacob? What are you doing here?"

"I came to try and talk you out of the vampire thing. One last chance, you know? I was lucky I came when I did," he said with a wry smile.

When after a few seconds I had still made no move to reply, he continued. "I heard everything."

Hesitantly, he took a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you too," he whispered. I giggled and he pulled back, eyes dark. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just...Can you believe it? A week ago I was engaged and you were hundreds of miles away and now-we're together."

"So the sun kicked the moon's ass, huh?"

"What?" I said, confused.

"That thing I said the last time you saw me, remember? About me being the sun but even the sun couldn't fight an eclipse? Shows what I know," he scoffed.

"Well, I certainly missed my sun," I whispered, making him smile.

After a moment he pulled me closer again, and his lips softly met mine.

…

**This is kwordy; I'm not here right now. Please leave a review at the sound of the tone.**

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